Thursday, February 25, 2010

bravada, mi querida

Chile is a combination of all the scary things I've ever done in life, times 10.

Language barrier & distance of Spain + lack of friends of Port Townsend + new job with high expectations of Seattle Times + pressure of wanting this to work out more than any other job in the past = one very frightened Molly.

I know I need to remember that all those previous times worked out - look how successful I was in Spain, and Port Townsend, and the Times! - but this feels different. Spain, I had friends and English speakers in my school program. I had the beach to go to and be surrounded by people. In Port Townsend, everyone is a crazy hippie and proactive in making friends. At the Times, I was only the part-time intern and the expectations weren't that high, plus I had a host of editors, teachers and former interns offering me guidance. I knew what I was going into with that one. I know the routine of a newspaper by now.

But Reuters is different. I don't know what writing for a wire service is going to look like. Do I write one story a week? a day? an hour? I don't know that much about business. All the other writers, I've been told, are native Spanish speakers. What if I go out on a super-important assignment and don't catch any of what the source is saying? What if I can't write fast enough? This is the gateway to my dream job - my foot in the door to getting where I've dreamed of going since I was in high school. What if I get down there and they realize they've made a horrible mistake? What happens when they realize I'm not as fluent as I ought to be and that I have no business-writing experience and that I can't churn out stories on as tight of deadlines as they expect me to?

And who do I go to when I'm stressed out and scared and unsure of myself? I don't know a single person on the entire continent. My parents can't come down and comfort me; it's a $1000 plane ticket for any of my friends who want to come visit. (I can't find any cheaper, Ella, I've looked, I'm sorry!) I know this is going to be a good teaching experience, and that I have to learn to fend for myself sooner or later, but I don't think I'm there yet. I'm not grown-up enough or brave enough or strong enough to be this independent.

I'm lonely just thinking about it.

Love always,
molly

1 comment:

Meredith said...

heya molly,
For what it's worth, I've been to Chile twice, and it's a totally awesome place. I spent most of my time on a remote mountaintop chilling with some huge telescopes (at Las Campanas Observatory near La Serena, north of Santiago), but I did spent a couple of days exploring La Serena, and came away with a very favorable impression. Everyone is super friendly and willing to help you out. This sounds like it's going to be a great adventure for you so go live it up! And go tour some of the world class astronomical observatories while you're there, because Chile is loaded with them and seeing huge telescopes in person is basically the most amazing things ever. Not that I'm biased. :) Also check out the night sky - there are different constellations in the southern hemisphere (a few familiar ones like Orion appear upside-down), and the moon is upside-down too.