Saturday, January 29, 2011

the heart of life

Oh, blogging. Wonder when I'll give this up. Probably never, actually; I write to think, when there's no one around to talk to.

So I'm now 3 weeks into my new job. Not internship, but job...still getting my head around that. I'm worried about the work I'm doing, because I do still have that intern mindset - thinking that people are just going to hand me stories and tell me where to go, instead of me having to figure it out on my own. Gotta snap out of it, boy.

The job is good, though. The first week and a half I wrote something almost every day, and they all got picked up by the Seattle Times, which is cool. My landlady (who's more like a host mom than just someone I rent a room from, bless her) and her sweetheart leave newspaper clippings outside my door when they find my stories in the Olympian. "Great job Molly!" they write in Sharpie. It's a good feeling.

And the job is not as scary as I thought it would be. I'm still lacking the institutional knowledge, and I still don't recognize all the senators/representatives on sight, but it's getting easier. Also, senators/representatives are not as imposing or impressive as I thought they would be. They're almost all very nice people, and talking to them isn't intimidating, but it's a little weird to find out that they're just...normal people. And that they don't really know everything they ought to about the bills they sponsor. But hey - they should be allowed to be normal.

Olympia is...okay. The weather is tough. It's rainier and gloomier than Seattle, which is saying something. And I don't like driving in the rain, because my windshield wipers are not that effective and it scares me when I can't see clearly in front of me. But the town is okay; there's a Trader Joe's, and a nice mall, and lots of cute little restaurants downtown - and CHEAP parking downtown, too, which is awesome. And I found the Warehouse Rock Gym and have gone climbing a few times, and the people there are really cool and friendly - as all climbers are. Once I get paid again, I'm hoping to buy the season pass so it's cheaper to go often.

Getting paid is awesome. Immediately watching all that money disappear is not. Rent in Olympia, rent in Seattle, fixing my poor little deathtrap of a car, gas, groceries...whew. I liked it when real grown-ups paid for everything. I think I've been molly-coddled too long (hehe love that word).

It's been fun and fairly easy coming home every weekend. (Seattle as home now? It's weird. But I need it to be; that's why I'm hoping to keep my room in Seattle. Olympia cannot be home; I'm not resigned to that yet. For emotional stability, I'm willing to pay extra.) Last weekend, I drove with Sang up to Bellingham to do the climbing competition at Western. Super super fun. I was kind of freaking out beforehand, because I'm not good enough to be competitive, but it was a gerat experience. And I got 8th out of 21 in the beginner category for women, AND I won a sweet REI backpack in a raffle! And watch some incredible athletes compete. So good day all around.

And the loneliness is wearing off. G-chat helps; Skype helps; calling people helps. I need to borrow/buy more good books, because that would really help. Again, I wish it weren't raining all the time; my house where I'm renting is right by a lake, and I would love to go explore and find out which birds are making all that beautiful racket. It's still hard, mostly when I remind myself of what I'm doing - living away from everyone (yet again) and trying to be a grown-up - but I'm settling in. And weekends fall awfully close together, which makes it easier. Church in Seattle is a good thing, too.

As always, listening to that Brett Dennen song a lot. "'Cause it won't last; your worries'll pass; all your troubles, they don't stand a chance. Sometimes it takes more than a lifetime to know: Darlin', do not fear what you don't really know."

Love always,

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Gone, like Elvis and his mom

This month in review

Monday, Dec. 13: Took my last final ever and graduated (unceremoniously) from college. Bachelor of Arts in Journalism earned.
Thursday, Dec. 30: Applied for a temporary reporting position with the Associated Press in Seattle/Olympia.
Monday, Jan. 3: Met with the editor for said temp position, which would cover the legislative session in Olympia for 15 weeks.
Thursday, Jan. 6: Got a call from said editor saying I had gotten said position.
Friday, Jan. 7: Went to the AP office downtown to fill out the paperwork and be officially hired.
Saturday, Jan. 8: Packed up everything in my little room in Seattle into my little red car.
Sunday, Jan. 9: Drove my little red car down to Olympia, looked at two rental places and chose the first. Moved everything from my little red car into my new room, in a house next to Chambers Lake.

And Monday, Jan. 10: Legislative session begins and I start my new job.

It's exciting, right? And I should be proud of myself - got a job (albeit a temporary one) within a month of graduating from a good college, in this era, in this economy. An accomplishment, right?

But as always--seriously, this blog is the most redundant thing I've ever read--I'm terrified. Terrified and lost and lonely and berating myself for feeling that way, because really, I'm only an hour away from Seattle, and I'm going back on the weekends, and it's only 15 weeks, and I should be focusing more on the incredible opportunity.

But 15 weeks is longer than it sounds. That's a quarter and a half, for UW folks. I won't be done until mid-April. And I can't imagine that I'll actually go back every weekend--most weekends, yes, and maybe people will come down here, and I have a couple really good friends who are also doing journalist-y things down here, so it's not too awful--but I'm still not there. I can't meet up at Chipotle for lunch or grab coffee on the Ave some random morning or go to half-tab Sundays at Finns with my housemates....sigh. I'm whining, I know. I understand what an incredible opportunity this is--really, I do. The AP is my dream company. I want to do everything I can to impress them during the coming 15 weeks so that my temporary hire will become permanent.

So I know that the whining is stupid. I have a job, right? A real-live job, with the button-down shirts and dress slacks to prove it. I'm a college graduate and living on my own (sort of) in a new place with new people and new challenges and new adventures to be found. All grown up.

But I still want my mommy.

Love always,