Mumford & Sons are keeping me going right now.
If you haven’t heard their song After the Storm, listen to it now. It’s a beautiful end to a beautiful album. Mostly these lines:
But there will come a time, you’ll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
I’m just tired of caring so much. I’ve said it before, and it hasn’t changed -- I’m just not a lukewarm person. I am incapable of going into something and holding back -- if I do it, I do it wholeheartedly.
One of my mom’s friends told her that you should never give your whole heart away. It’s not safe; it’s not wise. My mom’s like me, though. How can you hold back a piece of yourself?
But it’s not safe, and it’s not wise.
Have you seen the video for Ingrid Michaelson’s “Breakable”? She has her heart removed, and she leaves it in a street musician’s open guitar case, but then spends the rest of the video trying to recover it. Such an odd notion, giving your heart away; and it’s only easy in one direction. The recovery is nearly impossible.
I’m trying to believe in other songs; there’s Try to Remember from the Fantasticks: “Without a hurt the heart is hollow.” I try to convince myself of the truth of that statement. Isn’t it better to care, to feel, to wholly commit myself, than to go around empty like a robot?
No. It’s not better. I want to be heartless, hollow like the Tin Man; an aloof, nonchalant, “take-em-or-leave-em” kind of girl. I want to stop caring so much. I care hard, about everyone and everything, whenever I’m given the opportunity. And it hurts. And I make a fool out of myself.
Looking for good books as distractions, so any recommendations are welcome. I bought and finished Hunger Games on Saturday; it seems young adult fiction may be my savior.
Love always (but don't),
molly
Ak Gaming Pubg Hack
3 years ago
4 comments:
If you want more young adult fiction read anything by John Green, but especially Looking for Alaska.
Enjoy!
hey now. none of that.
living a hollow life is safe, and it's boring, and it's grey. living a loved life is dangerous and exciting and colorful. and there is nothing in this world that guarantees protection from pain. in fact, suffering is invited upon us and will be spooned on us thick.
C.S. Lewis says "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one...Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
courage, dear one. this too shall pass. i love you so much. see you in august.
love you, molly. (I heard Mumford & Son for the first time during the Grammys and really liked them. And now that I know you like them, I like them double.)
long time no speak yo, go for the border series, mccarthy slugged a homer clean out of the park when he penned those three.
Godric by Buechner (I probably misspelled his name like always) is as good as it is short, and it's really short.
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