darlin' do not fear

Wasn't that unicorn picture awesome? I mean, like, wow. Epic beauty on all fronts.

But aside from that, this is the first real blog post in over a month. Oops. Life happens, I guess.

Life for the past month has been the Daily, then some more of the Daily, then a sprinkling of schoolwork and a dash of spending time with friends (shout-out to KL and our amazing adventure-fraught weekend in the rain) and then a shitload more of the Daily. (Probably shouldn't say shitload on here, but look! I did it again. Oh well.)

It's fun, though, really it is; it's just a lot of time and I still don't feel like I'm on top of things. And I worry about my coworkers. They should get class credit for what they're doing--working as the news editor or editor-in-chief is so much more demanding than all of our journalism classes combined, and it counts for nothing.

On top of work/school/play has been this internship stress. I've now gotten seven e-mails, I think, informing me of brilliant and talented individuals from my Rtrs intern class who have been hired on to longer-term or permanent positions within the company. Awesome for them, and Lord knows they deserve it, but it does rub it in my face a lil bit.

I've spent some long weeks here recently thinking about all the ways in which I'm inadequate compared to the people who are getting the jobs. It's frustrating because no one understands or believes me when I say that No, really, I am not this great amazing journalist. My resume is impressive, but so much of that has been cheating - the UW bought me into the Rtrs program, and then once I got there, I did not crank out award-winning stories week after week like my peers who have now been hired. I'm kicking myself a lot lately over all the missed opportunities to prove my mettle.

Still, though, if I'm going to succeed and get a job, I have to remember that I am talented, and that I do have some good experience, and that I am equipped for this career. Plus, I mean, God's been opening doors for me all through college that should never have been opened, so I have no reason to think he'll stop now.

So yes...culminating point of the stress was my interview with the AP today for their summer internship next year. I had been planning to turn in the application by next Monday, the national due date, but when I called the local bureau they wanted to meet this week. Whew - talk about panic mode! I built my website (well, it's a wordpress, but still: mollyrosbach.com) in one night last week, wrote my cover letter, chose my clips, e-mailed them all in to the bureau chief and then went in there this morning to interview and take the writing test.

I was freaking out this weekend, trying to read all the news I could and familiarize myself with the whole voter's guide so I would be prepared when she asked me about topical issues - state income tax an I-1098, Murray's role in bringing funding to Hanford cleanup, privatizing liquor sales, all that stuff - and I had some great story ideas that I was going to talk about, but she didn't ask me anything like that. I'm a little worried that I should have pushed more to talk about it, but I wanted to seem confident, not brazenly forward. All in all, I felt she gave me plenty of opportunity to tell her about myself and my qualifications, and I think I responded calmly and confidently.

The writing test, then - hoo boy, I was terrified. Brad in Santiago had told me about the Reuters writing test, and just thinking about that made me want to run away. But this was easy! Just some sentence rewriting for grammar and corrections, then some story rewriting for clarity, news value and brevity. I finished in an hour and a half, which she was surprised/impressed by, but that freaked me out too...did I finish quickly because I'm just that awesome, or because I didn't give it the time and thought it deserved? Oh for the love of second-guessing myself!

Anyway. On the whole -- miraculously good interview. I'm still working on making my first response in those situations "Thank you God!" I'm much more likely to think, "Oh, I needn't have worried after all," than to realize that my whole life is an answered prayer.

In other, non-stressful news: I went up to Port Townsend this weekend (not the best timing, but we planned it before the interview date was set and I didn't want to push it back) and it was as magical as ever. Oh, those hippies. I do love them. Got to show my friend from the Daily all the small-town wonders, visit my friends, walk over some beautiful country, eat the most delicious pizza in the world, have some great late-late-night conversations, and relax. My soul breathes better up there.

And hey, who knows, they might have an opening for a reporter right around the time I graduate. I'd love to live up there for a couple years.

Yikes, though...I wonder what would happen if I got accepted for the AP internship and then got offered a position at the Leader. Internship with the dream company or job with small-town weekly? Hmm. Vamos a ver.

More other news: I've been listening to this song almost constantly; I recommend it for hard times. (Thank you Sarah for giving it to me last summer.)

One more: Singlehood. Le sigh. I don't really mind, and I don't think about it constantly like I have at some points in my (admittedly short) life, and I like being selfish and only having to worry about myself right now, but still. I'm such a "want what you can't have" kind of person. Oh, singlehood.

"But it won't last; your worries will pass. All your troubles, they don't stand a chance."

Love always,
molly